im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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