I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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