He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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