i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
not ubering you a puppy
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
