so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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