Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize