I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
