i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
