she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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