I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
