seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
