Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
