We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
