Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize