i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
