Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he shaved USA in his pubs
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
