I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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