I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
