i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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