Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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