Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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