No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize