I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
