What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
