just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
