You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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