and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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