I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You are the jesus of drinking
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
tell me about the eggs
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
