nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
