I need to stop coming to work sober
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How drunk are you?
Completed.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
