The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
