Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize