There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
