Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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