i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
