DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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