i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
