At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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