i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
