I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
