so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
