He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
smell my finger.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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