Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
