I'm really into asian looking animals
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
