Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My feet surprised me
Randomize
