i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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