bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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