oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
