i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
