is your mom at the bar?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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