3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
