dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
