i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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