I think I am morally bankrupt
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
