theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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