You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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