grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
