Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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