Swine flu. Run for my life!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
