Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
