Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
is wine microwaveable?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
