I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
