Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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