Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
