were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
