I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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