My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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