Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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