all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize