you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
