If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
